Creating my future, one miracle at a time

I opened a short email to a friend this way, a few days ago:

At 3:11 this morning I was wide awake, and hungry.  So much so that I just got up and ate a bowl of cereal and read some. Then, at about four, still quite awake, I decided that if I didn't get to bed before daylight, I wouldn't get to bed, and that maybe 4 hours wasn't quite enough sleep.  So I went back to sleep, and woke up again exactly 4 hours later.  I've had this happen to me before.  Back in college I went through a phase (almost a year) where I could only sleep 4 hours at a time.  So I slept from 4 to 8.  Both of them.  And honestly, that evening 4 to 8 is a really droopy time for me right now.  I could easily fall asleep.  And having to eat a family dinner in the middle of that time is not good, I'm not hungry. And I perk back up for the late evening hours.

Oh, and I also woke up with a migraine.

Whine whine whine.  I'm sure you're interested.

I'm feeling really crowded, almost trapped lately. I feel like I always doing something for someone else or something that has to be done but isn't really fun, like the PT exercises, or sleep.  Of course I love my guys, and I'm glad to be their mother or wife, and I wouldn't want any of them to read this and feel guilty, I know I freely signed up for everything I'm doing, but I'm a little overwhelmed with things right now.  October seems to be a really busy month with lots of things to take care of.  So I find myself up at 2am, the only time I feel free to get on the computer and just answer my email or play. And then Mark tortures me about staying up late.  Like it's a character flaw or something.  He firmly believes that I should go to bed at a "decent" hour and get up earlier.  But morning time is no good for me.  The first hour or 2 hours after I get up (no matter what time of day that is or how much or how little sleep I've had) are just not pleasant or mentally useful hours for me.  So why would I get up and waste my precious alone hours during that?  I'd rather sleep late and get up just in time to waste that period of time doing the regular maintenance things (getting dressed, scooping the cat box, etc) or pretending to be alert while supervising Thomas doing school?  (At his age, it's not like I have to be enough on the ball to actually teach anything.) On the other hand, I'm staying up until 3am on days when I have to get back up by 8am and go somewhere, and I'm finding that, unlike when I was 20, I can no longer go forever on 4 or 5 hours of sleep.